Yes, I know, it’s totally gay to put a picture of yourself with your girlfriend as a post image, but I’m actually very happy to be back home. My second home, whatever it means, this spot in Penang state it’s definitely a welcoming one for me. And I feel at home. Six months of Australian adventures and work, I thought I might have wanted to stay longer but I found out, regardless being a decent country, Australia is not for me. Too easy, too English/Western oriented, too quiet for me. What I mostly missed was Asian chaos and beauty, the cultural differences, my own struggle for understanding, the cruising around on half-broken motorbikes, the insecurity, the fact I try to understand, and I don’t. It’s all beautiful. And she is of course beautiful too, as you can see.Blogging about Australia, I noticed a lot of people have taken my impressions in a way I didn’t like. I am very sick of reading comments on this blog calling me an idiot because I don’t respect the opportunity that is given to people doing a working holiday visa in Australia. I think I met many people, especially French and Italian, that didn’t have a clear understanding of how things should be, according to my perspective on the world. I don’t want to look like the seasoned traveler, nor the cocky arrogant inquisitor, I just tried to express my distrust for a society that exploits all of these people, making them think and feel they are special. You are not. I will miss some aspects of Australia, and of course I’d like to go back and visit the West Coast that I didn’t see, but I reckon I am too much of a misanthropic monkey to actually enjoy the backpacker world I met in Australia. It’s not fun for me, if it’s fun for you, beautiful, now leave me alone, thanks. I don’t need wet t-shirt contests or beers over beers to be excited and feel my life is more intense. And coming to the nature, yeah, awesome, I agree with that. But it doesn’t pacify me, sorry, I’m a fucked up bastard.
Boarding a plane to Singapore I felt some sort of release, but also a new fear of failing to renew myself, and invent something better, since once again, everything is put on the plate of the scale of fortune. I am not afraid to say I am afraid of the future, of the consequences, but at the same time I am thrilled about the excitement of it all. I found again my love and a place that I like to consider as a second home, now it’s my turn to try to make things happen. I feel tired of shuttling from one bus to the other, from a country to the other, without nothing better to do than taking pictures and look for the next adventure, while munching on local foods. I still have some traveling ideas in mind, but what I miss is the drive to shape up my existence, and make it something different, or more worth. Singapore gave me a quick, as always, glance to the terrific development of Asia, his bustling yet controlled streets, his beautiful Asian nymphs wearing stilettos and miniskirts as it was the only thing left for them to do, its cafes full of people chatting and orderly sipping drinks… a good gateway to South East Asia, coming from the dullness of Australia’s entertainment and nightlife, before the actual uncontrolled chaos, street food, smells, motorbikes, swarms of people, malls, women with veils, Muslims, Chinese, Indians, colors of Malaysia. The more I talk to travelers, the more I overhear this distrust for Malaysia’s beauty and comfort. I feel at a crossroad in this country, for I can get what I am used to have, and I can have much more. And this is where a monkey should live with the ones of its kind, in the jungle that colors of green the small but lush hills surrounding the coastal areas of Pulau Pinang. A primate needs to be within the tropics, possibly Asian side, because in Darwin you have no monkeys. Unless you consider the white yahoos as such, but I don’t, and I respect the apes much better.
So here I am, with a new mindset, a new life and also a new haircut, ready to try to make ends meet and try to sort out the chaos that has been affecting my soul lately. Because the more I travel, the more I don’t find what I was looking for, and since I am on a permanent vacation more or less everything gets defocused, and I gotta get it focused. It will not be so hard, just give me some time, and as always I’ll come up with something able to surprise you all. Or maybe not…. well, we’ll see. Off to the Hungry Ghost Festival tonight to see it burn, meanwhile I have an headache and I feel like trying to connect different cultures is a tough challenge, so it’s better to quit writing now.