Couchsurfing Horror Story
I have recently been notified of a rape case happened in the UK after a Hong Kong 29 years old woman used Couchsurfing to stay with someone in Leeds. You can read the story here. This is something that was bound to happen, at some point, and without getting into too many details of what’s right or wrong, let’s wait and see until the trial is over. I’d like to consider a few things about security when traveling and Couchsurfing, tough.
I think CS is an amazing way to travel meeting new friends, experiencing the culture, and also saving money. I didn’t really feel traveling might have been this good and mind opening before I actually started couchsurfing during my first trip of China in january 2008. I have to say that, being used to play shows in a punk band, I was couchsurfing way before the whole idea even existed, crashing on musicians’ floors, beds, mats, car seats, but that of course is part of the independent music scene, so this wasn’t that “new” to me…
The fact someone decided to create a container where the whole world might be considered as a “scene” totally improved the way you can access travel. I’ve been staying with so many people, of both gender, and NEVER experienced trouble, whatsoever. In places like Malaysia and Indonesia, on the other hand, the whole experience of CS improved my perception of things, and made me able to meet people today I call friends, and whenever I go back to their towns, it’s like I had a family there. Probably because I am a male, I never experienced trouble whatsoever. But I’ve been staying with girls as well and… no problems at all, you just have to be a decent human being. Then, if chemistry happens, just good on you!!
The whole “CS and dating” thing is not an issue, for me. I met my current girlfriend Kit trough a CS meeting, and I am happy we have that common hospitality ground to share. I understand that being a solo woman traveler might put you under different circumstances, but this random episode should not become a security issue. Reading between the lines, I don’t even know if this whole thing has been set up to discredit the CS way of life. Because that’s what it is, for my experience, for I’ve met so many people that really are living for it, sometimes they almost cross the line of duty.
So… I can just say, keep on traveling, and keep your wits to yourself. Strangers can be dangerous, but they can also turn into some of your new best friends. Maybe next time I couchsurf I’ll get someone to stab me in the eye, but so far, I’ve been the craziest one in my meetings. And I brought fun and excitement into my hosts houses… again, I want to invite you to click on the CS link on the right sidebar to check my references, and please believe me, they’re all left by true people. I really had some nice times, with everyone. And honestly, I can’t find a better way to have fun when I get to a new city, to better understand how it works, and how its people live.
My sympathy goes to this poor woman of course, and I wish this episode won’t replicate, but don’t freak out because shit happens every day, everywhere, and in 99% of the cases, the people wanting to host you are just genuinely interested in hearing your stories… then, sex drives human impulses, and we all know that, and we also know that human beings (because just saying men would be damn wrong) are unpredictable creatures… but again in the first place, traveling is an adventure, and every adventure might turn into a nightmare.
I just doubt if a man lured into a “sex trap” by a CS woman would go into court claiming he’d been “raped by a woman” people would care… am I wrong?
September 1st, 2009 at 6:07 am
Hi dear, next time please, spare me the last two lines of this post. I quite like your blog.
November 4th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I agree with Erica! Your blog is sweet and it is great to read positive things about couchsurfing on the internet. However spare me the last little part. That woman was defenseless and overpowered and was subjected to something no human being should ever have to face. Maybe you could never be raped by a woman, but how would you feel if you or your friends was raped by another MAN?
November 4th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Dear women readers, let’s just try to take the irony of it all. Maybe I got raped by a bunch of men, and I just want my revenge. How do you know? Anyhow, I just know that some men claim they’ve been “raped by women”. If you find this offensive, I’m sorry. My website is not intended for the faint of heart. It’ll be soon rated R
March 27th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Hmm… actually this post and news is very disconcerting to me. I’m about to couchsurf with several people next week for 2-3 weeks in the U.S. This is the first time I’m doing this. I’m also an attractive woman, which makes this a little scary for me. But I feel I should go ahead anyway as this is a cheap way to travel and make friends as well. Mostly, I’m more excited than scared. Any tips?
March 30th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Hi how does a woman rape a man? Firstly men are generally physically stronger than women so in a one to one situation it is unlikely that a woman could overpower a man, secondly a woman doesn’t have a penis to penetrate a man with and thirdly to have penetrative sex the man would have to have an erection which would suggest that he is sexually aroused.
April 9th, 2010 at 4:21 am
@Nona
I tell you how, when a man passes out drunk in a taxi with a group of friends on the way back to someone’s house, that someone says they will help said man to bed and tells everyone not to worry they’ll look after them, then said man wakes up to this helpful woman doing things to him which he otherwise would not have consented too. An erect penis doesn’t mean consent.
May 4th, 2010 at 1:50 am
a man can be raped by a woman wearing a strap on dildo or something and penetrating him in his ass forcefully
June 23rd, 2010 at 11:35 pm
Erections are spinal reactions, not a conscious act (although they can be). That’s why we get them when we sleep. That’s why paralyzed vegetables can get them too. Woman on man rape can happen.
On CS: I have been traveling since April 10th (it is now June 20th) all across America, and couchsurfing has been the greatest thing ever! I have met new friends all over the country, and on several occasions, my new friends have met up with me further down the road. (My host from Hollywood met me in Vegas. My host from Phoenix is meeting me in Miami. And several others are going to visit where I live).
Ladies: be careful! When traveling OR hosting! If you are hosting, always have a friend over, at least when you meet the guy(s). Meet them outside of your home first; you can tell a lot about a person in the first minute. READ EVERYTHING! On their profiles, etc. A host told us that she read this guy’s profile, it looked normal, but then she went to his facebook and realized he was a total creep. Protect yourself; carry pepper spray or something just in case. It may have helped our 29 year old in her situation. And if you are super worried, just don’t stay with guys. You can chose the gender of your host (and their age) quite easily on the CS website. BE PICKY! You have to be able to trust these people at your most vulnerable moments; while you sleep.
That being said, the level of trust I have encountered with hosts has been eye opening. They will often hand me a key the first day and say “here, lock up when you leave.” When a stranger trusts you that much, you do not want to let them down. And in some way, it conveys the message that the world is not such a bad place, that people ARE generally good! I never used to believe that, but this trip, and the CouchSurfing experience has changed my whole worldview.
December 17th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
I am really sadden by what happen to this lady. My couchsurfing experiences have been wonderful. I would say to any women traveling alone, to just read the profile of the CS member. Look at the comments other people leave and look at their interest. THen you get a good feeling for the person (unless they are lying,then there is no way to know). When I chose my host I can go through douzen of profile before I find the one that seems to fit me the best. Tips would be people that have kids (and are still willing to share their house) are propbably safe candidate. Host who say they want to meet other cultures are also things I look for. Look at their pictures. I also beleive that CS owners will delete any profile that has received negative feedback (I beleive they investigate the incident before removing?) THere are probably other tips….
February 2nd, 2011 at 9:55 am
I’m planning on traveling this summer (not sure where yet… I should probably hurry up and be decisive about that!) I’d heard of couchsurfing but was a little worried about it – although I guess you would meet the person first over skype and in person. Still a bit worried, but I think it’s a healthy amount of worry. Walking around campus in the dark could also be dangerous, but I do it all the time.